Can you Just Sit Still for a Change?

When I turn the corner after an illness, I always want to immediately become productive. It is so painfully obvious to me that I am only a shadow of my healthy self when I do not feel well and my ambitious self wants to make up for lost time. So, as I laid on the sofa under my comfy blanket recently, I saw dust simply everywhere: the television screen, the floor, the corners, but my desire was only to heal, not to clean. Not to write, just heal.

Before the coronavirus took me on this three-week journey, I was simply productive enough to get by. I knew that I would be quarantined inside the dusty house and that what I did not do today, I could do tomorrow. My usual sense of time and urgency simply had lost its significance as I wondered what new protective restriction may be announced. Somehow my work just did not seem quite as compelling as the surging infection and death rates due to that raging bull of a virus.

It had not crossed my mind that I would be an early statistic in our COVID-19 pandemic. After I fell ill, I wished I had worked harder and focused less on graphs that I did not fully understand on the daily news. I thought about time wasted during quarantine before I fell ill, all the projects I could have completed- beyond just dusting. But remember I thought the world had hit an indefinite pause button. And I just went with it.

Then suddenly I simply could not find the energy to complete any project and worst yet, I had no interest. To the extent the world was moving, I was not even exerting even the lowest level of energy. Or so it seemed.

In truth, my energy had been redirected to save my life. The battle was unseen but formidable. My immune system was engaged in full warfare and I needed to be still while it waged its war. Ultimately, the virus was defeated. The flag of health now waves high and I am thanking God for the wonders of healing.

All who fall prey do not heal, however. For those, we pray for their families as they grieve.

There is another great battle that we cannot see; it is a spiritual battle. We struggle to reason with ourselves when our behaviors lean toward self-destruction. Paul puts it a different way.

I do not understand what I do.

For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (New International Version, Romans 7:15)

This is difficult to understand. It is illogical, but I will remind you that a full understanding of spiritual matters may be beyond reach. And therein lies the role of faith.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

This full surrender to God may be one of the toughest challenges in our lifetimes. To the extent we allow the unseen battle to proceed while we sit still, listening for guidance from the Holy Spirit, the sooner we can heal. And, the sooner we can advance toward the purpose he has for our lives.